No, you’re not lazy- you just need some ways to beat perfectionism. Don’t think you’re a perfectionist? You might be surprised. Let’s talk about how perfectionism can show up in a number of ways, and how to overcome it by building good habits that last.
You Might Be A Perfectionist If…
- you find yourself putting things off until the ‘time is right’
- you avoid starting something if you don’t have every single thing you might need from start to finish
- the thought of beginning a task or project gives you a sense of dread as you think of how long it will take or how complicated it is
- you won’t even begin if you don’t have time to complete the task right away
- one thing being ‘off’ or different than how you imagined makes you want to quit
I used to think perfectionism meant being obsessed with minute details and never resting until everything looked, felt and was perfect. Someone like Aunt Petunia from the Harry Potter series, or the girl from college who took color-coded notes.
While some of these things can go hand-in-hand with perfectionism, it can also look a lot different.
Related: Homemaker’s Stress: The Root Cause And How To Reduce It
Real Life Examples Of Perfectionism
- “Ugh I don’t even want to think about the dishes right now. Both sides of the sink are full so I have nowhere to put the dishes so I can fill up the sink with clean water. If I move them I’ll have dirty counters to clean up on top of everything, and dirty water will probably run onto the floor. Plus, I know the toddler’s going to wander in here anytime so I’ll just be interrupted. I guess I should put away the clean dishes in the rack first, but they’re still not dry! I can’t start dinner until I get these done. I know I shouldn’t order pizza again… I’m such a bad mom!”
- “I should really invite that new family at church over for dinner sometime. But I want to finish re-staining the table first. It’s embarrassing… I need to finish sanding it! Can’t today though, we have softball practice in a couple of hours.”
- “I’ve got to workout today. It’s been so long. Maybe I could fit in 15 minutes after lunch. Ugh, what good is that going to do me? I’ll never be one of those ‘fit’ people.”
Starting to see the picture? This quote from Mystie Winckler sums it up nicely:
“Perfectionism is false expectation. We envision the end we want, and if we know it won’t happen, we don’t begin. The best way out is to change what we envision, to take a humbler view of ourselves and our efforts, and submit to imperfect yet faithful next steps.”
Once we know and accept the problem, we can address it. I’m going to suggest 5 practical ways to beat perfectionism so you can actually start and avoid burnout in the process.
5 Ways To Beat Perfectionism
1. Set a time limit and honor it!
Often the reason you don’t want to start, or even dread a task is because you’re associating it with exhaustion. If you don’t know what I mean, think about this: Say you’re behind on laundry again. You have a couple of baskets of clean clothes that need put away, but your dresser is a disorganized mess, and there’s a mountain of dirty laundry still to wash.
You’re probably imagining or feeling subconsciously how long it takes or has taken in the past to do ALL of that in one burst. But you don’t have to do it all! And that’s where perfectionism is coming in.
Here’s you new mantra: Progress over perfection.
Instead of tackling all those things at once, choose one or two MAX, set a timer, and actually stop when it goes off.
Many times you’ll hear the advice to tell yourself, “Ok I’ll just workout for 10 minutes” BECAUSE you’ll end up working out for longer once you get started. But this is not the time for that mentality. If you push through and finish the whole job, you’ll be much more likely to get behind again and put it off even longer.
Example:
- Start 1 load of dirty laundry.
- While it’s running, set a timer for 15 minutes and work on your dresser.
- When it goes off, only do what’s necessary to not leave it a total mess.
- If there are clothes in the drier, fold those, but if your dresser isn’t ready for more clothes, leave them in a basket!
- You can work on finishing the dresser and putting clothes away the next day. It’s actually easier to get back into a “flow state” if you can jump in to the middle of a task!
2. Manage your expectations
Another perfectionism trap we can fall into is possibly the more on-the-nose one.
When you expect perfect results, it can be very easy to never settle for good results. Thus, if you know or believe your end result won’t be perfect, you’ll likely not even try. At first this might seem really obvious, and you might think, “Yeah, that’s not me. I don’t expect ANYTHING I do to be perfect.”
But again, I think you’d be surprised at how much pressure we can all put on ourselves at times.
Just think of any time you’ve been scrolling Pinterest and see a beautifully decorated house or an elaborately scored sourdough boule. If not that, then fill in the blank. Have you not said to yourself, “I could never do that.”
Do you really think that mindset doesn’t seep into more everyday things, too? Starting off a task with a defeatist mindset will only set you up for failure.
Here’s another mantra for you: Done is better than perfect.
Examples:
- Start that sourdough recipe even if you haven’t thought through the time table exactly. You can always stick it in the fridge.
- Get out that fabric and follow a sewing tutorial. Your first project will not be great but the next one will be better- you just have to get brave enough to make that first cut! (I’m especially talking to myself here haha)
- Give the bathroom a good surface clean while your little one is in the bath. You might not be able to deep clean the shower but the toilet, sink, mirror and floor can get a good scrub while you keep an eye on your kiddo.
- Maybe you’d love to lacto-ferment pickles but you really need some for the barbeque tonight. Just make “quick pickles” and keep them in the fridge for a few days. You can try “real” fermenting later.
3. Romanticize your own life
related: How To Romanticize Your Life As A Homemaker (If you’re not sure what it means to ‘romanticize’ something, check out this post.)
How can romanticizing your life help you beat perfectionism?
Well think back to the previous 2 points. We often don’t want to begin or get back to a task because it doesn’t look or feel the way we want it to. It’s messy, chaotic, overwhelming, not perfect!
I’ve really found that putting on rose-colored glasses, so to speak, can help me change my frame of mind and get past that urge to quit. The key is to not let any romantical ideas derail you further! But truly noticing the beauty in your own life and choosing to focus on it rather than the mess can get you over that perfectionist hurdle.
Examples:
- If you’re feeling a general sense of being unmotivated, try getting ready for the day or resetting yourself with a shower. Maybe put on an outfit you feel comfortable and pretty in. Do your hair and make-up if you want. That time isn’t frivolous or selfish (assuming you don’t take too long!) and it will help you slip into that romanticized frame of mind.
- If it’s housework that you’re putting off, one of my best tricks is to envision the end result and think how nice that will be. I usually picture our family sitting down at the end of the day in a clean home free of clutter and stress and that lights a fire under me.
- If it’s cooking or meal prepping, put on an apron, get out some printable meal planning sheets, turn on some music, maybe light a candle in the kitchen. Set the mood.
- When all else fails, my very best trick is to think about how badly I wanted my own home and babies galore when I was a little girl. I think of how I pretended to do all the things I actually get to do now. This it it. Life isn’t waiting to start, it’s not waiting over there after I get everything perfect. I can jump into this next task and enjoy it for what it is and see the beauty in it. Gratitude can go a long way, especially if you romanticize it a bit.
I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again, If you’re not romanticizing your own life, you’re probably romanticizing someone else’s.
Mantra: Don’t let perfect be the enemy of good.
Your life is beautiful within the mess and you can enjoy it as is.
4. Count down from 3
I can’t remember where I heard this first. Is it in Atomic Habits? I never actually read that book to be frank but it’s definitely in that vein.
If you find yourself unable to get started, just count backwards from 3, then go.
The idea is if you count up from 1 to 3, you could just keep counting. Think of your kid telling you to watch them jump off the side of the pool. “Watch, Mommy! 1, 2, 3….4…5…” You get the picture.
But if you count down from 3, you have to start at one. I’ve found this helpful with things like getting out of bed in the morning and starting dishes when I’m overwhelmed.
What does this have to do with perfectionism exactly? It’s sort of the opposite of the previous point. Romanticizing is a really useful tool. But if you find yourself getting wrapped up in ‘setting the scene’, you might need something to snap you out of it.
That’s when you can implement this little trick to get over the idea that everything needs to be just right before you can really get to work.
Examples:
- “I’d like to have these counters all clear and a good playlist on, but I really just need to start dinner. 3, 2, 1, go.”
- “I keep tripping over this stuff! I should put it away before I go downstairs but we have to leave soon… I’ll just do what I can for 2 minutes. 3, 2, 1…”
- “I wanted to soak this rice overnight to make it healthier and totally forgot. Maybe we should just get take out… No, that’s way worse than un-soaked rice! I’ll just cook it like this. 3, 2, 1…”
If you think that last one is unrealistic, just know those exact thoughts have gone through my head before! haha Sometimes the perfect really can be the enemy of the good. I can be very avoidant when I feel like I’ve dropped the ball somehow.
This exercise can shake those thoughts from your head.
5. Recognize your efforts, don’t beat yourself up
And finally, whenever you do accomplish, or even just get started on a task, take a moment to pat yourself on the back!
Think back to the first point. If you don’t honor your time limit, you’ll be more hesitant to start the next time. And the same is true if you never acknowledge your own work and accomplishments.
It’s not a good feeling when you finish something, or push past overwhelm to just start, only to meet yourself with critical thoughts.
Many habit experts will tell you to reward yourself for your efforts. This can seem fun at first, but a.) it’s pretty impractical and b.) the novelty can wear off.
Instead, just take a moment to say, “Yeah! You did that!” And whatever you do, DO NOT think of how much more you could’ve done, or how much sooner you should’ve done it.
Examples:
- Giving yourself a mental high-5 for finally tackling that junk drawer
- Checking things off a to-do list and relaxing at the end of it
- Texting a friend a picture of a recipe you’re proud of
- Admiring that shiny clean kitchen floor
- Not rushing onto that next big project but instead taking a day or two to enjoy your accomplishment
- Print off a workout calendar from fitness YouTuber and check off each workout
- Creating a TBR list and tracking your reading for the year
Related: Ideas For Mother Culture Scroll to the bottom to get my TBR lists and tackers!
Mantra: I’m doing my best.
Looking for more on mindset and motherhood? Check out these posts:
I hope you enjoyed reading about these 5 ways to beat perfectionism. Let me know which one you found helpful! Talk soon,
-Tara
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